AUTUMN WALK

The gentle wind blew through the leafy branches
Soft crunchy leaves glided through the wind
A multitude of reds and yellows tumbling to the ground
I breathed in the wonders of this Autumn evening
and thought....

I pray everyday in worship services and Bible Study to a God I cannot see. I am filled with hope and Jesus' life saving grace yet there is a struggle deep inside me. How can I love someone so much if I cannot see Him? He is like the wind blowing through these multicolored leaves...He is unseen and when I reach out my arms for him I cannot hug him close to me. I cannot feel his touch on my shoulder or his voice replying to my own. And then I realize...my endless fruitless quest for love and how many years I spent searching for people to hang on to...depending on their touch and their voice to comfort me. The tangible things of this world drove me onward yet...there is a deep void in my heart...a sickening emptiness and a bottomless pit of loneliness that was never filled by human love. People...all people they are no better than this wind. They come into your life and just as vapor they are gone. Yet, Jesus, the being most high that I cannot see is there with me always. He guides me onward into clarity and into real love...a love that doesnt end. He is the solid branches of the trees that give life to the leaves. The leaves are the many changes of my life...and like the passing seasons my own leaves go through stages yet the life giving branches are unchanging...it is what gives me life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpzRPa1I81o

A flight through the clouds

The sparkling light poured through
It was glittering and real
filling her darkness
Her soul sang with all the mingle of anguish, joy, and confusion...

The plane flew through the light clouds
Filled with grey, purple and all the shades of blue
She glanced through the window
Reaching for something
For someone
She was scared to lose love

A hand grabbed hers
and a cup of green tea was lovingly placed into her palm
She smiled faintly up at that kind face
And then cried
The hand reached out and hugged her

He stared at her through the clouds
She felt like falling yet she felt alive
And she knew where love was
Where it will always be

That is when the decision was made
She smiled and never cried again
Knowing there was safety
even up there in the dark clouds
She stared and yearned to paint them
In all the shades
To capture their beauty

Her shaking hand came back to rest
She felt it wasnt the plane that was flying...
It was she
And He was there with her
Dreams and life were real to her in this moment
And for the rest of her life


She sang her heart out for Him
and for those who led her here
To this love and this happiness
That will never end.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2XJ4KFBzsE

Wicked

What does it mean to be good or evil? Is there a concrete line that splits the two or do they mingle to the point of no separation? Last Thursday was the happiest night as M. Sarah and I sat in the darkened theater and watched the glorious musical "Wicked". The phrase which is witch" plays in my mind. How do we trully judge one's wickedness? Yes we are all wrapped in sin but sometimes sin comes due to circumstance. Elphaba was not bad from the beginning. I saw in her a lost and lonely witty young woman who was hurt by the world. Everyone ostricized her for her green skin...even her own adopted father hated her while her real father.. the wizard wanted her for his own ends. Yet she was so loving... so selfless. In her I see so many in my own life who resemble her. I even see myself... a small girl who did not speak a word to anyone throughout school as they all shunned me for my difference. In her I see a friend whom I come to cherish...in her I see all of us struggling within ourselves to find our purpose. What is goodness anyway? Elphaba learns quickly that all good deeds only end in punishment and suffering so she gives up and rises above her pain by becoming wicked. Yet, is this justification for wickedness? Must we rise above our struggles and the hurt by turning bad and doing evil to others? This is where the line between good and evil blurs in this musical...and not just in this musical but I feel in life as well. I personally tried so hard to be good to others and to care for them...I tried to follow Christ's example and do good deeds. Yet, I find myself struggling and instead of seeking God I often seek my own desires and then I hurt others...even my own friends and loved ones. Should all this be justified I wonder? Seeing this show opened my eyes to myself and to those I know in so many powerful ways but it also made me question where goodness really lies. Finally the friendship between Elphaba and Glinda touched me so. I wished and longed for such friendship my whole life yet I realized recently that no best friend stays with you forever....only God is our friend who will never leave us. I am so thankful to Him for letting Sarah come with me to this show. Thank God for her company and for the happiness she felt from seeing this musical. Thank you Lord for letting us enjoy your gift...to enjoy life. Yes, God's gift of life to us is true goodness...if we stay in his path the line between good and evil will never blur...I trully believe this.

Life is a song worth singing...

The Thorn Birds is a mini series from the 80s that touched my soul. I looked up into the dark sky from my bedroom window and cried out...cried bitter tears of devotion and sadness. Yes sadness, because I know what it means to sacrifice your life for something you hold dearer than your own life and that is love for someone else. I love God and people and I cannot choose between them just like Father Ralph cannot do in this brilliant tale. As I looked to the dark sky I prayed to God that he may guide me to know what love is. That in loving Him I may never let go of love. Should we make that choice between God and love? I asked this of myself.

No matter how much Maggie suffered and lost, she never lost her ability to love. Her human spirit persevered all suffering. I see so much of what I ve learned about our Savior Jesus Christ through Father Ralph's struggle with himself. He could never give up Maggie for he loved her with all his life yet he couldnt give up God. I never will give up God and as I watched this film I made a vow to Him. I shall never leave Him but I will never let go of my capacity to love. I do love certain people in my life with all my heart and I vow to Him to protect them and take care of them till the end. My vow of love is eternal to both Him and to those on this earth.

As the film shows, we are sent here to this earth to suffer so much yet we must keep our ability to love within our hearts to the end and sing for happiness like the thorn birds. Father Ralph says as he dies, "they keep singing even as they die with the thorn in their breast" I wish to be like the thorn bird, giving my life for God and suffering all for eternal happiness in His Kingdom yet never giving up on love. It takes all our strength and spirit to overcome all suffering and yet never let go of our capacity to love each other. I shall love till the end of my days. Yes, that is my vow to you my Lord. My heart sings for you always.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhzJO34SCoc